dear world, I seek your advice
2008-05-14
12:47

I've mentioned my childhood friend Denise before. We've known each other since kindergarden and became friends in sixth grade. We stuck together through high school. She went to college on the east coast, though not in the city, and we visited from time to time - mostly, it must be said, I visited her. She did visit me once in Paris, and not long after her father committed suicide - the fact that I had known him well (our families were close), has, I think, been an elephant in the room ever since. She moved to NYC after college, just as I moved away, and she was still living here when I moved back.

I really hoped when I first arrived that being back in the same city would allow us to revive our friendship. We're very different people, but we always have been. But we have seen each other very rarely, if at all - she's always busy, although whenever I do talk with her it sounds like she's mostly busy getting drunk with a bunch of overgrown frat kids at her business school. And the few times I've actually seen her, she'll be getting drunk at lame bars (drinking irish car bombs!?) or watching football and just generally the whole scene has consistently been lame. Its resemblance to the stupidest parts of college life is kind of pathetic. But, honestly, I probably would overlook all the lameness if she weren't too busy to deviate from her rigorous schedule of getting drunk in bars to hang out with me - or, even more, if our conversations weren't so awkward when they finally did occur. We can hardly talk about anything but family stuff, how are you siblings, how are your parents, whatever.

I will say that last year (when I was still unemployed) she got me a lovely birthday present, and at a time when I was feeling pretty shitty.

She suggested hanging out recently - while I was on Kilimanjaro. Then, a few weeks ago, her family was coming to down and she was like, "Oh, we should go get lunch or something!" And then proceeded to suggest a couple of Monday afternoons. But, of course, I work on Mondays. So I was offended - they were times that I absolutely wouldn't be able to accept. So I wrote back like, "Uh, those are Mondays," and she was like, "Well, what about XX Sunday?" But she had to skedaddle before 1:30 and I had my trainer appointment and frankly, I didn't want to get out of bed early or eat before a workout or move my trainer - I just didn't want to do anything to accomodate her. I'm kind of fed up. I've been here for more than a year and whenever I reach out to her my best option is to infrequently tag along while she ruins her liver. That's not fun for me. We do not get along, we have nothing in common, we can hardly hold a conversation, and we never see one another. The only conclusion I can draw is that we are not friends.

So she had also mentioned that she's having a graduation party. She's getting her MBA. At first I was like, "Of course I'll come" but that was a while ago and since then I have really started wondering if there is any point to keeping up with her at all. Just for old times sake? But it's almost a travesty. I'd decided not to go. But then I got a kind of vague, e-vite email "Hey, everyone, please RSVP" and then yesterday I got another message directly from her asking if I'd be able to come.

Now I'm feeling guilty. If I do write back and say something like, "Oh, I can't make it," that will be two times in a row when I deliberately brush her off. But that makes it seem like the distance is my fault and I'll be responsible for the demise of our friendship. So now I'm wondering if maybe I should go? But I kind don't want to. But maybe I really am the one giving up too early? But maybe it doesn't matter because she's become a drunkard, and that's lame.

If I thought there was really any chance of keeping up the friendship I'd make the effort. But being carted out for special occasions is just silly. Anyhow. Tell me what to do, people. I don't trust my own judgment.

9 discuss

In Circulation
a long overdue update - 2008-06-02
dear world, I seek your advice - 2008-05-14
net loss, I think - 2008-05-11
two things. - 2008-05-07
the craigslist cliché - 2008-05-05