a long overdue update
2008-06-02
11:28

I remember when I couldn't go two days without getting an entry down. I think that the public diary is starting to be more of a hindrance than a help - I've been called out too many times; had people I know find my diary, had people who read my diary find me. Sometimes I like being obliged to leave out details that are too unkind or embarassing - but as time goes on, there's less and less that I can talk about and so the diary doesn't fill the need that it used to. I'm thinking seriously about calling an end to it entirely, but first I want to see if I can keep a paper diary with any regularity.

Anyhow. A lot has happened.

I did end up going to Denise's party. The advice was overwhelmingly in favor of going, with a few dissenters, and I knew that I ought to go. But I didn't want to, and I figured that if I was in a bad mood and feeling resentful I woudln't be a very good addition to a party meant to celebrate someone else. You don't go to someone's special day if you're not willing to help them celebrate whatever milestone they've reached. But Denise wrote me a couple of times the day of the party to ask me to go, and I tried some lame excuses and then finally got off my ass and headed uptown. It was after work on a Monday so I arrived a little late and I had good reason to leave a little early - even though it was annoying to spend so much time on the train for such short visit, I was glad I had an excuse to cut out early. I spent most of the time I was at the party talking to her sister and mother - typical of the strange state to which our relationship has sunk. We have old times in common, not much else. And her mother and sister didn't know Denise's friends well.

It was fine. I had a fine time. At the end Denise was like, "We should do something! I shouldn't neglect you!" and I was like, "Well, you know I'm available." She actually did email about getting together but I won't hold my breath about it actually happening.

Shelley was in town for the stationery show, so I got to visit a bit with her and also see her booth. She's come a long way in three years, and it makes me so happy to see. I know that I can be like a broken record about Shelley but she is one of those people who deserves all the success in the world, and it really makes me feel so warm and happy to see her building a business up from scratch and making real, measurable progress every year. She's earned it on so many levels.

I had a fantastic visit to a sample sale recently - the first time I've gone to a sample sale and really felt like I'd hit the jackpot. But that's an understatement. I felt like I'd entered an alternate reality. It was my favorite boutique having the sample sale, my favorite despite the fact that I had never bought anything there before - it was all too expensive. The kind of place where t-shirts start at 00 and dresses are all 00 and up. Lots to drool over, but way beyond my price range. Well, at the sample sale the most expensive thing was 00 and I could afford everything. I was in heaven. I felt drunk. I stayed at the store until it closed - I could not walk away.

I walked out with four dresses and one shirt...one was a sort of twee summery dress that's too similar to the sort of thing I already own, a brown silk empire bust with a cornflower bue eyelet cotton skirt and some interesting tucking, another was a mistake, a mustard yellow matronly thing I thought might be good for work - it still might, maybe in the fall or winter? We'll see. Actually I can probably dress it up nicely, but on its own it's kind of dowdy. The third dress has a kind of wild leafy pattern and one of those bustlines that's become so popular at awards shows, like the one that Audrey Tatou wore to the Da Vinci Code premier in Cannes? With the kind of bust-shaping ribbons that curve under or around the breasts...I'll try to post a picture later. It is tres chic, has an up-to-the-minute racer back, and is kind of exciting and different...all of the above were under 00, mostly 0 or 0...though they will sell retail for unbelievable prices. The fourth dress is my favorite - an Olga Kapustina wool jersey dress with a quilted yoke...a few years ago I was about to buy an Olga Kapustina dress at the Louis of Boston sale and there was a little snag in the dress and even on sale it was too expensive to buy in poor condition so I passed...I have been on the lookout for Olga Kapustina ever since, so there was something extremely satisfying about buying this dress, which I adore. It was 50, the most expensive of the lot, but oh so satisfying. I also got a pretty printed racerback shirt with a kind of hippie pattern on it.

However, all of these dresses immediately sent me on a search for a proper strapless bra. I have a strapless bra that is like a regular bra, without straps? And some sticky plastic on the inside to provide traction? God that thing is a piece of shit. I have modest breasts and it can't hold them up for more than five minutes. It's uncomfortable, it slides down my body, it makes me feel like some sort of hideous sagging mess. That thing is worse than useless and, now that I think of it, I"m going to go home and throw it away. I needed to find a strapless bra that I can wear, and although those little jelly cups that you can stick onto your boobs are fine they have a limited number of uses and I wanted something that I could just wear every day. I ended up buying one of those bandeau tops made out of Spanx material. It is not the most flattering to my cleavage - but that's a totally fair trade off. I was wearing my Olga dress on the way to the lingerie store, so I could be sure it would look ok, and the fabric is really thin and I could feel every man on the street staring at my nipples as I walked. And the bouncing...it just feels obscene and inappropriate. Which I guess it is. So now I have a little security wrap that will stop the bouncing and tone down the nipples. I totally love it, it's exactly what I wanted.

Oh, and last but not least - now that this has turned into a catalogue of recent purchases - I also bought a new computer. A cheap, refurbished iMac. My laptop has passed the point of no return. The hard drive was just replaced, which gave me the opportunity to isolate the real problem: the machine overheats and that scrambles the insides. It crashes once every hour or two, even when I'm working to keep it cool, but connecting it to its dock, and the CD drive, allows it to trap heat and fries it even faster...la la la, end of story is that restoring the computer to a working state is impractical when the thing is clearly begging to be put out of its misery. I got the replacement that was cheapest, hoping I could wait a couple of years and then get a new one that is more optimal...I am kind of bummed because I don't need to be spending that kind of money right now (and with my parents tied up in this new condo I can't even go begging for help anymore - ouch), but I'll manage and I think it was the right decision.

On the other hand, I also think moving out my apartment is going to be the right decision. I need to move someplace cheaper.

So, end of story.

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In Circulation
a long overdue update - 2008-06-02
dear world, I seek your advice - 2008-05-14
net loss, I think - 2008-05-11
two things. - 2008-05-07
the craigslist cliché - 2008-05-05